Balbardie Vale 1 Watt Star 2

Balbardie Vale AFC 1 Star 2
Challenge Cup, 2nd Round
Chewy
Cleishy, Robbo, Stella, Chiefy
Pistol, Dingo, Chalky, Cheeeeseeee
Macca, Craigy-Boy (rubbish nick-name, but it's what his ma calls him)
Gam
Niall (nae nickname as yet, but he's only young - gie him time. I would. In Barlinnie)

West Lothian is never an easy place to go in amateur football (as much of the sat-nav-less Star squad emphasised by being late) and the Balbardie Vale side confirmed this fact as they matched Watt Star, and it took a last minute wonder goal from skipper-for-the-day (dinnae get cocky) Mikey Dixon to earn the victory. (He's called skipper 'cos he's got a trawler apparently. And a shovel -definitelyl!!)
Star came out of the traps at speed and the first 26 minutes of this game produced a good number of chances (four) - well that's a good number eh?), only one of which was converted - (two points for that?) ironically on the 26th minute.
Pistol was fouled on the right hand side of the narrow pitch, Robbo powered in a vicious free-kick which wee Chalky (the smallest PLAYER on the pitch and one of the smallest in Star’s history - and, unbelievably getting smaller and named after Rick Stein's dug) hardly had to rise for as he let the ball bounce off his napper, leaving the excellent Vale ‘keeper Steve Clark (ex-Chelsea) stranded for his second fluke in three starts. (That's Chalky, not Clarky).
He also had another “chalked” off for offside when it clearly wasn’t - as did Mikey later on.
Chiefy (is he getting rounder?) and Cleishy (is he getting uglier?) - along with Mikey (he of the thin hair - but who wants fat hair) and Robbo (second cheekiest pus in Watt Star's history) were rarely troubled as the midfield four stuck to the game plan and dominated this part of the proceedings. Cleishy did have a couple of wild slashes at the ball (I think) which landed at Star players' feet, but he tells me these were all meant. Aye, rightl.
Pistol started wide-right in the coaches' attempt to get one of Star’s greatest impact players ever - on the ball more often, but his defensive instincts were missing and Craigy-boy (sounds like a hoarse eh?) was asked to swap places with him early doors (what the hell does early doors mean? - possibly a sixties recording by the Vietnam war heroes' heroes) - a move which resulted in an instant improvement as the Star retained their shape well (just like Watty) and Pistol was released to rampage up front. Dingo kept it simple (a bit like himsel') - and very, very effective as he sprayed the ball left and left and wee Chalky - the self-crowned “heading machine” bossed the centre-mid as though he had played there once before.
Jason, so 'solid crew' (apart from his lack of a towel - gie's it back less skiddos eh?) on the left contributed massively to the Star’s shape as another disciplined performance was produced, although a fitter Jaseeee (could that evolve to JC?) may well have scored when a ball flew from right to left in the penalty area - begging to be met by the Star's left-sided midfielder but legs and lungs meant he didn’t get there. Or was that fags?
Macca was having a duel with all of the opposition back division (pistols at dawn) and his power and running meant they got no peace, although I suspect the number five had consumed some of these pieces and a couple of pies pre-match. Someone observed that Macca MUST be a fit guy to haul that huge carcase around for so long. I think it was Watty. Talk aboot pot and kettle. Although it has to be said that Macca' s pants WERE groaning at the waist pre-shower. Pistols were groaning IN the shower as the Star runner-up striker went to the sprays with some (but not all) of his clothes still on. . . .twit.
Chances went abegging in this first half with Pistol, Dingo and Chalkie victims of miscalculations and in the 26th minute, Macca hit a ferocious shot at an angle which was awfully well saved (sorry, can't spel brilliantly) by Clark in the Vale goal but at least the chances were being made.
Then, another needless free-kick was given away on the Star's right and although they matched up neatly enough defensively, none (aye, none") of the 4 Vale runners was picked up as the ball was fired into the mix. Chris, looking a tad indecisive, did get his body behind the ball, but couldn’t hold it and it could have been any one of 3 or 4 Vale players who had the opportuinty to poke the ball home for the equaliser but Kevin Brady it was on the scoresheet for the homesters.
Half time came with no signs of panic in the Star ranks as they were well on top, but the sticky pitch was going to have a bearing on the outcome - only two subs available - but the Star boys showed their superior fitness, allied with an attitude which allows none of this squad to give up.
In this second half, Chris atoned for his earlier indecision with some excellent handling, plucking and punching as the music ebbed and flowed as Vale had their best spell and it was only the condition of the pitch (understandably for late February) which stopped him from throwing out to the ever-willing Chiefy and Cleishy. Vale may well have scored in this period as one ball whistled across the six yard line, with no takers. And as Vale continued their good start to the second half they pinned Watt Star back into their own half, Sinnet went close with a header across the goal and minutes later, he chested a Coulter ball into Mark Lawlor's path, but the final shot dragged wide by the Vale front man.
It was blood and snotters now as the Star boys had to dig deep and none of them dug deeper than 'digger MacScrumpshie' who was looking for worms at the side of the pitch.
Although Vale had the lion's share of the possession, it was Star who should - and would have scored as Mikey had the ball in the net, but the play was pulled back for a foul by JC on a Vale defender.
Craigy-boy then was freed by a superb pass from midfield, but some decent defending forced him wider than he would have liked and although his shot was formidable, it flew over the bar.
Vale had, by now pulled their No. 10 back to play in 'the hole' and Star's formation had to change to combat this. Co-incidentally as Star were about to change to a midfield 5, Dingo fell awkwardly (very awkwardly), dislocating his shoulder in the process and had to be replaced. The Balbardie manager/physio was superb and expertly slotted Dingo's front paw back into the hole, thus avoiding unnecessary agony for this young pup and the Star's grateful thanks go to Peter for this gesturel.
Since Vale only had one playing up-front, Mikey was deployed into midfield to match them numerically and the game looked like stale-mate. Star's fitness was likely to be nullified by Vale's superior sub's bench, but then Mikey Dixon took a hand.
Macca out-muscled the Vale defence, sprinted down the right wing and fired a ball into the danger area. It wasn't cleared properly, bounced around for a couple of hours until Gam McCraw took control, pushing the ball back into danger and MD executed a sublime overhead kick which hit the front of the net (not the back - the back's behind the 'keeper) for the winner. Unlike him to draw attention to himself eh?
Star now face Scottish Widows in the last 8.
Thanks again to the Balbardie Club for their compassion during the match and hospitality at the Masons Arms afterwards.
Game on Saturday is home to Lochend in the league. Assemble Riccy, 12.45pm.