Star 2 North Berwick 0

Wacky Races 2nd Round
Watt Star 2 North Berwick 0


1 Hughey Hewitt as Dick Dastardly in the Mean Machine
5 Cleishy as a Slag Brother in the Bouldermobile
11 Gam as The Gruesome Onesome in the Creepy Coupe
4 Aitchy as Red Max in the Crimson Haybailer
3 Robbo as The Ant Hill Mob in the Bulletproof Bomb
10 Craig as Lazy Luke in the Arkansas Chuggabug
7 Stevie as Professor Pat Pending in the Convert-a-Car
6 Mikey as Sergeant Blast in the Army Surplus Special
2 Jason as Rufus Ruffcut in the Buzz Wagon
8 Macca as Penelope Pitstop in the Compact Pussycat
9 Pistol as Peter Perfect in the Turbo Terrific


Replacement cars: Niall as Private Meekly
Gindo as Muttley
Stewart as Sawtooth
Alisdair as the Hooded Claw.

An excellent race with the most pleasing aspect of it being no fuel
spilled (clean sheet) - something Star have been striving for what seems a very long time.. . .
Following the excellent performance of last week, only one - enforced
- change was made, as Doc was unavailable since he had been busy
donating a tip to the willy surgeon, so one of the Slag Brothers
stepped in to the defence. Star had been warned before the match that
they had to accelerate away from the grid quickly and avoid being
shunted off their usual passing game and this is exactly what they did
with an early breakaway by Penelope Pitstop who raced clear but hit
wide with her left tyre.
And shortly afterwards she went broadside into an opposition vehicle
with some superficial damage sustained to her chassis, but not enough
to leave the race.
Dick Dastardly sleazily kept things calm with some excellent
maintenance/distribution although he didn't get his hands really
dirty, nevertheless he found time to make a save for the cameras,
while the Ant Hill Mob kept their patch crook-free. Slag brother
fitted in just like a Kwik Fit Fitter and Red Max showed why his
bodywork is admired from afar (well, it can be seen from Fife!) as the
Gruesome Onesome completed the defensive quattro.
The mid-field battle had Lazy Luke - resplendent with his go-faster
stripe on his sunroof and Sergeant Blast driving his vintage, very
fitting for this veteran - involved in minor crashes while Professor
Pat Pending nipped around the periphery as Rufus Ruffcut sneaked into
the front row of the grid from time to time. Fortunately his engine
did not let him down as he covered a fair amount of the track.
Peter Perfect, it has to be said was not firing on all cylinders with
a couple of wrong turns being made during this crucial race, but, as
usual, he put more miles on the clock than most. Penelope Pitstop
still seems to have a slow puncture, but performed in this race as
though it was a demolition derby!
Biggest worry was the number of chances which were not being taken and
by half time the total was up to 6 - all decent openings, mostly
created by good, quick football and the warning triangles were out for
a sucker-punch blow.
And at the refuelling pit stop, the drivers were all warned that they
had to take at least a couple of these chances - we had created 6 and
we would create at least another 6, but apart from that no oil changes
were needed, although the addition of Sat Nav to find the route to
goal may well have helped.
The second lap was similar to the first as again, opportunities went
begging with Peter less than Perfect as he volleyed one over the bar
when it looked easier to score.
But he wasn't the only guilty party in this aspect of the race with a
few of the other drivers mis-firing!
As the game went into the final laps, with still no chequered flag
looking iminent, the Star struck as Penelope Pitstop had a couple of
bites at her cherry before poking it away. And she celebrated by
skidding to a halt leaving skiddy marks on the grass where there
shouldn't ought to be skiddy marks.
15 miles to go...
The Gruesome Onesome found himself chasing back to collect the ball
as it slowly crept towards the line and he calmly walked away with it
to start another attack and his almost impeccable performance was
earning him the top spot on the driver's podium, with Red Max almost
up his exhaust pipe.
One goal is never enough, especially for the chief mechanic's nerves
and the mid-field battle was becoming just that with cars colliding
regularly, but the Star drivers came out on top in the physical duels
as well as in the finesse department.
Professor Pat Pending came in to the pits to refuel and Sawtooth
joined the race and buzzed around like a bee in a biscuit tin.
More chances came and went and the Ant Hill Mob tried to show the way
with a brilliant effort which skidded past the lampost.
The Slag Brother's engine passed this early test as this was his first
proper drive for a good number of weeks and he may well be better when
his engine is more finely tuned, but he can be pleased that his tyres
had enough tread to cope.
And then, disaster for the North Berwick team as their wheels came
off. Their back-seat driver attempted to bypass Peter Perfect, but
didn't allow for his ridiculously- telescopic wheels and the bonnet of
the team picked his spot, then when that had dried up (Clearasil) he
parked the fitba' in to calm the jangly nerves of the chief mechanic
and his ass-man.
7 minutes left as the Star wound down the clock, although the
communication did not seem to work in all of the cars since no vehicle
suffered a flat tyre or even needed a quick polish, although Penelope
did hold things up on the edge of the track while she touched up her
nails.
Lazy Luke then had a slight collision with an opponent, his rev
counter went into the red zone and he took revenge as his enormous
front bumper took out the Berwick player (no, not for dinner) and the
Marshal had to show him the red flag for trying to punch his
opponent's lights oot!
All-in-all a very good win in this Second round of Wacky Races and the
third round beckons with the whole of the nation now in the draw. Star
are now into the last 256 of this trophy and the bus is already booked
for Hampden. I've phoned the SFA and instructed them to order the
Yellow and Blue ribbons. . . .